These past few weeks have been ridiculous. Even talking about it now it bringing tears to my eyes because of how emotional I am. So let me start from the beginning of this very long story, because I need to share it with you. I've told you the first part of this story in my last blog post but to summarize: At the beginning of february I was at a very low point, I didn't know what to do I was so unhappy. I prayed to god that he'd help me out of it. So on a saturday night I went out clubbing, something I rarely do. I met someone there which is also something that rarely happens. Over the next week me and this guy were in contact every day texting for hours, until he asked me out and I had to turn him down. So he reacted like any guy would and said he didn't want just a friend so goodbye. Weeks passed and then out of a crazy chance something happened to put us back in contact. We went out dancing on st pattys day and had the best night of my life. So that brings us up to date...
To continue from my last post. That night worked out amazing. He, I , my friend and his friend all danced together and then after an hour or so he and I got separated from our friends and danced the rest of the night away together. The new best night of my life. I need to describe this night... firstly we got separated at one point and he would text me like "shelbbbbyyyyy I misss you, where are you" he kept texting me things like that so sweetly. And here's another thing you need to understand about this boy.
I used to love dancing because of the two minute high that I would experience when the moment was just right and my body would completely surrender to the music. But with him, the feeling of euphoria never goes away and the whole night is surreal.
The way I feel when I'm dancing with him is like something I have never experienced in my entire life. So after the clubs closed we went to the grocery store across the street (sketchy i know) we hung out there talking and singing shania twain and justin bieber for a good hour nearly two and got kicked out at 4:30 by which time I went home.... I just realized I maybe shouldn't be typing this out in such detail.
Since that second dancing date we had started texting every single day without fail, usually about 300 messages a day.
I ended this night so incredibly happy, although I didn't know when i'd get to see him again. Well that saturday I mentioned I was going for a walk by the lake and invited him to come along. We met up about 5 to start our walk. Now this was the first time we have ever met outside of the clubs and in day light so it could have gone horribly wrong and been filled with awkward silence. But instead this walk was full of fantastic conversation, jokes, and laughter. We watched the sunset together and ended up at DQ eating ice cream and arm wrestling at 8:30pm. He then invited me to a restaurant to his friends birthday party. Sitting across from him in that dimly lit restaurant something just clicked inside of me. Something that has never clicked before, a moment when my head and my heart agreed with each other. This guy was different - special - the exception to every rule.
After that night I think i was just a goner, seriously, I've never allowed myself to like a guy more than he likes me and I always guard my heart, but this time everything was different. I liked him and there was no going back.
Our next meeting was the following thursday and we met up for 'muffins' but he ended up taking me out for dinner at a lovely restaurant. We then walked around town and ended up loitering in the most hilarious food places, mostly timmies. I'm debating how much details to put into this next part... I guess i'll leave them out haha.
So again another truly amazing night with him. After that night things just progressed even more, I saw him the friday, and friday night he asked me to go out dancing. Then saturday we spent the afternoon together walking around town and at the library. Saturday night I went over to help him with his essay and we spent the day together sunday. Everything was so perfect, I was so happy, a kind of happiness I've never had the pleasure of experiencing. It was amazing.
He was very busy with school work the next week so I was only able to see him briefly on wednesday afternoon, but then friday night we planned to go out dancing again. We met at a bar that night with his friend. Even though we never were officially going out he was always so protective of me in a cute way. While at the bar he had to excuse himself for a minute but wouldn't leave me alone because he was worried i'd get picked up by someone else. hehe Adorable. So that night was another night of amazing dancing, he introduced me to so many of his friends. He is one of those people that seems to know alot of people. And as usual we were the last two to leave the club at closing. I was leaving in the morning at 8am to go home, but I couldn't leave him so again I went back with him and left his place at about 5:30 in the morning.
That weekend while I was at home we constantly texted and on the following wednesday I returned to the city. We planned to meet up but some things got in his way and he had to cancel. I was rather upset about that so he made it up to me by coming to see me at the library the next night. I left in the morning to write my friday afternoon exam. Things were as usual... perfect.. wonderful... happy. As I left he kissed me goodbye and told me to hurry back soon.
And that was it... the end of everything wonderful. I returned for a movie night after my exam that evening and his behaviour had completely changed. He was so distant, so unlike his usual self. I left saturday afternoon not sure whether I should read to deep into it or let it go. I asked him if anything was wrong but he said no. Yet he treated me like my first boyfriend did right before he broke up with me. After that saturday afternoon, after weeks of texting daily and taking every chance we could to be together. It all stopped, the texts stopped, messages stopped. I didn't see him for two weeks. He said he was busy and kept making excuses yet I knew from other sources that he would go out clubbing and out with friends. How could everything change so suddenly with no explaination? The night of my last exam I rode in a thunderstorm to see him.. I had to say goodbye before i left for 4 months of summer. But things weren't the same, I could see in his eyes that he didn't hate me.. but the 'spark' was gone. He didn't like like me any longer.
I've had alot of hurt in my life, alot of being left, ditched, abandoned with no explanation. I've always managed to get through it, so I know i will get through this. But I don't understand, what happened? I could understand if we had had an argument or something, but just a sudden change of behaviour. What happened in those 4 hours I left him to write my exam that changed everything.... Why god. Why did you bring him into my life when I was at my lowest, just to take him away from me? I need answers but I can't get any from anyone or anything. And this time everytime I pray my prayers are left unanswered. I'm hurting so badly... my depression is back and I have this constant chest pain that's unbearable at times. I just don't get it... why. Why bother bringing him into my life just to take him away from me? What's the point.... what is the point of it all.... i'm sorry
