Mood swings

Today my mood has been all over the place. Starting the day off well, but then it turned slightly sour due to friend issues. But I removed myself from the stressful situation and had a nice quiet lunch by myself. I was so happy at this point in the day, couldn't stop smiling! But then yet again, friends ruined my mood. So I went to the gym, exercised off the stress. And this helped until AGAIN friend issues. Aren't friends supposed to make you happy not ruin your good mood, what is this. So right now I'm really not in the best mood...

I like this guy. Far too much, far more than I know I should. And it is kind of scaring me shitless. I don't let myself like guys this much so why this one? What's so different this time. We met like 6 weeks ago at a club. Shelby, you meet guys at a club - SKETCHY. Yes I know, so I thought but this time it wasn't sketchy. So after the BEST night of dancing of my life by far. I gave him my number and left. A few days later he texts me and we start up a conversation and for the following week we text every day for several hours in the evenings. But then he asks me out, and I have to turn him down. So like every other guy in the world he says he isn't interested in having just another female friend so we lose touch. Several weeks go buy and one day around dinner I get a random text message from a 'mistake number.' After a very long text messaging conversation with this random we discover that he is actually a friend to the guy I met at the club weeks before. This event results in the club guy messaging me again. So we start up our regular chats again. Every few days, every other day, soon enough it turns into every night. Until last week when I did something that was possibly one of the most 'putting myself out there' things i've done before. I went out on st. patty's day alone, to the clubs in hopes of meeting up with this guy. Sure enough, we bump into each other on the street. That night then turned into THE NEW BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE and since then, I can't get that night or this guy out of my thoughts. It's not like i'm madly in love or anything silly like that. But I really like this guy - as what i'm not certain. But something in my head and heart agrees this time, which is something very very rare for me to experience. So tomorrow we are hoping to meet up at the club again. But i've got myself into a sort of dilemma; I invited a girlfriend along. So now I just don't know what to do.... I don't want to ditch her. But if I go and don't get to dance with him, my night will be ruined... all I want to do is dance with him again. I've planned my entire week around it. I know I sound like an idiot, completely obsessed. I just want tomorrow night to be amazing so PLEASE if anyone that has the power to watch over and make tomorrow night a success... PLEASE do. I need this night, i need every bit of happiness that I can in my life.

Shelby

Rant :-)

So 99% of people really suck at giving advice and being sympathetic. It's just almost comical to watch. Maybe that isn't the right word but I just can't even think of the right word. Some of my friends have been going through really tough times lately and it's just painful to watch. I even watched some youtube videos the other day of people saying they were having a tough time and the comments were just giant judgemental fails. I'm a judgemental person too, don't get me wrong. But not in the way most other people are. You know the comments that I really can't stand the most are the "it's going to be okay" or the "your problems aren't important, you know there are starving kids in africa" comments. Please next time, you go to say one of those lines to someone you love... STOP for one second and think to yourself "does my best friend who is suffering from depression really give a fuck to hear that their problems don't matter because some kid in africa has it worse off" just STOP doing that please. I can't stand seeing it happen to other people, I can't stand it happening to me, I just CANNOT stand it!!! Why do you think people are having these problems? Because no one is helping them properly. I'm just frustrated with seeing it, frustrated with hearing "oh they are posting it on their facebook status to get attention" blah blah blah yipeeedipeetydo We get it; you think you are a psychologist. But you aren't. Because I know most people are stereotypical and most people will do it for attention but there are a few people who just want to post it on our facebook status for the sake of posting it on their facebook status. So shut up and stop psychoanalyzing those people because you think you are a genuis know it all. LOL

I mean I love people for the most part but I just see too much of this nonsense and it's getting worse and worse. I just feel like everyone enjoys patronizing everyone else that they deem inferior to themselves. I mean for instance if someone has posted something about boy trouble they are having somewhere on a social networking site, is it REALLY necessary to write comments like "you are too young to be worrying about boys", "you'll find a nice guy just be patient", "things will be alright"? REALLY why even bother posting those things at all? Do you REALLY want to hear "oh so sad your mom died when you are 13, you'll get over it. I know a girl who had both her parents die when she was 9 so suck it up." No, you don't want to hear that and neither does anyone else in the entire world!!

Just PLEASE I beg you to either be sympathetic and actually help others by saying comforting things that you would want to be said to you, or just don't say anything at all.

Please.

AprilAthena Contest

AprilAthena7 is having a contest on youtube! The prizes are absolutely AMAZING. I mean out of this world amazing. :-)
Here is her video on the contest:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKm7MUi5OcI&feature=feedu
You can enter if you are a resident of canada or the US. And you can also enter if you are international.
I'm really excited to send in my entry!

So I will apologize right now and say that this is another relationship blog. I'm just doing these because that's what has been going on in my life it seems. And tonight I am going to tell you reasoning behind why I don't understand boys anymore.

And so the story begins...

"Boys are simple creatures" That's correct isn't it? I mean girls are supposed to be the complicated ones, the ones who never say what they mean or mean what they say. Girls are supposed to be the emotionally attached ones who can't think logically because their emotions overpower their logic...

WRONG WRONG WRONG

There was a time long ago when boys were simple, a time when I got along with boys very very well because I could read them and they just made so much more sense. And so I ask you...WHAT HAPPENED TO THESE BOYS??? I mean honestly, I'm not joking around here or overexaggerating. I have 'seriously' dated 3 boys in my time and each one of them has done something where I put them in a situation where I was perfectly 100% outright honest with them and they played the 'i'm going to say something I don't mean card and fuck up the entire relationship" So yes that's only 3 boys, but 3/3 for me. I will give you more detail about each of this incidences.

Boyfriend #1:

After a few weeks of casually hanging out and me repeatedly telling him "I do not want to be your girlfriend." he asks me to go to dinner with his parents. Now I knew that putting myself in that situation probably wasn't the best because both him and his parents would consider it a "meeting the parents" dinner. So I phone him up Me: "Look, I really want to go to dinner with you and your family, but I cannot go if they are going to consider it as you introducing your girlfriend" Him: "I completely understand, I promise you I won't think of it like that and they won't either" Me:"I'm still hesistant because I've already said I'm not ready to be your girlfriend but if you promise then I will go"

So, I was completely honest about it and what happened. Well OF COURSE he and his parents both thought it was a dinner introducing me as his girlfriend so after that things just went downhill. -.-

Boyfriend#2:

Now this guy was really pushy, I'm not going to lie about it. He was having a shit time in life, he was really illconfident and although he repeatedly said he wanted a serious long term relationship, he really just wanted to get some, as all boys seem to want. =.= So I usually have a rule of no boys allowed in my room or at my place. NO BOY ZONE. But he wanted to visit and I point blank said to him, he could come over but I was not going furthur with him and he had to promise he would behave. So of course he promises, comes over and HELLO out comes the horndog. Seriously... I mean seriously.. can we get past the age of 8 here and actually grow the fuck up. So I turn him down and he has a little hissy fit about how I'm rejecting him and I'm not attracted to him and I hurt his feelings. So I kick his whiney butt out of my place. And soon after that relationship dies, of course, how predictable.

'Boyfriend'#3:

Now the whole problem here is that this guy IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND, let me just make that clear right now. This probably seems confusing because I myself am completely confused about how to label the relationship we have. So months ago, this boy confessed that for months he had liked me. At the time, I was with someone else and couldn't do anything about it. But when I broke it off with the other person, he asked me out again. I took my time giving him an answer, because the fact that we were friends put things on shakey ground. I told him "I'm concerned about our friendship and what will happen if we enter a relationship and things don't work out. So I need to say two things and ask you to promise me one. When I am back for the holidays, I will go out on one date with you, just a date and after that we will see how things go from there. And I need you to promise that if we do become a couple and things end, that you will continue to be my friend and not just ignore me and never talk to me again" So of course he said he agreed and was worried about our friendship too that was why he hadn't told me sooner and we would of course go on a date before labelling it gf/bf and he promised what I asked of him. So I said yes... which brings me to the dilemma I am in now. He hasn't taken me out on a date, the 3 weeks I've been home. I mean logically if you had waited 9 months for a girl you liked wouldn't you be eager to take her out. Isn't that logical? Isn't that what a simple boy would do? But no, he hasn't taken me out, and he has told all his family and our mutual friends we are DATING as BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND. Thanks, thanks alot. So now you put me in a position where I have to be a huge bitch and say "So by the way, I'm ending this before it even begins because you basically went against what we discussed when I agreed to go out with you" and with my luck he will never talk to me again. Because boys always through little temper tantrums like that.

I'm sorry to any boy reading this, because as friends... I LOVE BOYS. But in my life I have NEVER had a lasting friendship with a boy because they start to like me in a way that I don't like them and then we get into problems like this. So right now:

I hate BOYS

I hate RELATIONSHIPS

and you can all just bugger off and find some other girl to pester because I'm sick and tired of this BS. Grow the fuck up.

Night

Love Shelby

The L word

So this is most likely going to turn into a very boring and irritating blog post to read so maybe you should just stop reading now.

I feel like I've gotten myself into a weird situation, one that I'm not really happy with. Last night I was laying in bed around 3am and I couldn't get my thoughts to leave me alone. I kept thinking about past relationships I've had and why, when they ended I didn't get overly upset or emotional. People have said it is because I'm tough and strong, but I don't really think that is the case. I sometimes appear that way on the outside, but inside I'm incredibly vulnerable and easily hurt...by people I care about. Randoms and just sort of friends I don't value their opinions as much so they can say anything about me, but I realized from my last relationship that I'm way too loving a person. I literally offer my heart up to people straight away... Which seems stupid right because of course shelby that is what makes you vulnerable. But for some reason I'm still able to protect myself because I've realized the reason I've never been torn up over a relationship is because I always stay one step behind on the 'likeness ladder.' By this I mean, I never allowed myself to like a guy more than he likes me. That way I'm not on the hurting end of the sword because although I haven't dated alot of guys, I feel like I've gained experience through friends who know all to well about heartbreak.

So what has been bothering me is right now I'm in a relationship where I feel like both of us are playing that game. The guy I'm with is absolutely terrible about showing his feelings but once or twice when I have caught a glimpse of what he feels for me...

well let's just say the L word... lesbian? no lesbians? NO... haha sorry! I couldn't pass up the opportunity to say that joke.

Anywho, I just feel like he's absolutely horrible at showing his emotions and also because we live quite far from each other most of the year, he has gotten comfortable in the safety net of his computer. So on his side he isn't 'making any moves' like guys usually do or outwardly telling me how he feels. And yet somehow without realizing it I have managed to let myself fall absolutely in like with him. Last night I was beating myself up for this, not literally of course, but just mentally I couldn't believe that the one time it would hurt the most was the one time I had slipped up the 'likeness ladder' and allowed myself to like a boy as much as he likes me. Okay, so this doesn't seem like a huge deal but it is, because when I get hit, it hurts like 10 times more than everyone else because I care 10 times more and because inside I'm 10 times more vulnerable especially when I've let that person into my heart. just GRRR why did this happen, so now I'm mad; mad at him, mad at myself? This is such a childish feeling but I'm terrified and angry at myself. So now I just don't know what to think. It's been 2 out of 3 weeks of christmas break and unless he just has a huge change in personality, the break is going to finish not where I wanted to be at the end of the break. I'm so frustrated and upset, I'm feeling like I should call this off before it even begins but that would just mess things up even more.

I know, I know, I just need to be patient and let him move at his own pace...

But it is so incredibly frustrating!

GRRRRAWRRR

Shelby