... Change

Hey everyone,
no I haven't died or anything just well been different. I'm sorry for not writing any blogs these past two weeks have been insane with midterms and Easter weekend is always one of the busiest times of the year for me. But, here I am finally :) So this isn't going to be the original blog I intended to write... actually this is going to be something completely different. Change... okay you are thinking uh HUH has she gone mental what a random and broad topic to talk about. Well these past two weeks have made me realize how I've turned into such a lazy self absorbed arse... honestly I don't do my own laundry or cook I can't drive, I spend all my time sitting here in this chair talking to people on msn, twittering, facebooking, stalking youtubers, dailyboothing... So I haven't stopped all that, how could an internet addict like me suddenly stop, but I have cut back plenty... I didn't update my twitter for a few days or my facebook I haven't watched a youtuber's video in like a week these past two weekend every chance I've gotten I was out learning to drive. I've also kind of started to learn to cook. Today I went to the library and got a bunch of books. I used to absolutely love reading but ever since ricky and I started talking on the internet and what not I haven't read a book for leisure in.... I can't remember. So I took out a bunch of books and I started reading one today. I realized I'm so busy wanting the future to come I've missed out everything I mean when I was a kid I always had trouble getting along with people because I always felt they were so immature and I couldn't relate to them, now I'm a teenager I feel the same but I also feel like I've missed out. Never had a highschool boyfriend, never just done something really stupid and fun and irresponsible. Feels like I just skipped over that part of my life and I'm trying to rush into university and work and getting married. But I realized I shouldn't be doing that at all I should try and just live for now. It's horrible being away from Ricky, it is, but sulking around won't help and spending all hours on the computer talking to him won't help much either... I need to live... Ricky and I actually like have hardly talked for the past week or so... I think once for 20 minutes or something. Which kinda sucks cause I must say I'm a bit worried with all the amazing glamourous london lifestyle and parties that I feel left out of his life alot and worried he'll decide that staying and waiting for me isnt worth it... I hope he doesn't because even when we disagree or are apart for awhile he's always the one I'm thinking about and I truly never ever want to loose him. I love him so much. and It's true love not just lame teenager love. So Ricky if you are reading this...please know that and don't forget about me while you are off having fun with your uni friends. So I'm feeling good... off to study for chem and then bed. I mean things aren't fantastic and I still feel sad and depressed and confused ~ stuff like that doesn't change overnight but I also feel like I'm getting better even just alittle... atleast I'm trying to climb out of this rut I've been stuck in for the past like 5 years of my life... it is never too late.

Ttyl ~ Shelby